I forgot to post this "letter to the editor" earlier, but it's pretty self-explanatory. I submitted it about two weeks ago, and it was published on August 9th.
The reason I remembered it today was because the officer I wrote it for came to the shelter today where I had clipped a copy of it.
This letter to the editor is actually on behalf of a friend of mine, a Provo police officer. He told me they frequently get calls from people on BYU campus asking them to take care of a dead bird. For starters, as my friend pointed out, BYU not only has its own police, but it also has a maintenance crew for each building. Not only that, but he assured me there was no law against people picking up the bird themselves (using gloves, a trash bag or something similar) and simply throwing it away.
I understand "911" has fewer numbers than "422-2222" (BYU Police) or "422-INFO" (BYU Info for maintenance phone numbers), but as college-educated people I'm sure we can handle the extra digits.
Not only that, but since we're at a school run by a religion that emphasizes self-reliance, I am confident we can even learn to handle a dead bird ourselves (I suggest "Handling Dead Birds 101," "Coping with Death 230" and the whole "Turning Wal-Mart Bags Into Makeshift Shrouds" course series).
Call Provo police for emergencies such as your roommate's meth lab, but BYU police or maintenance should be able to handle a dead bird.